When I was a little girl I never dreamed of being a Pastor's wife in a church.
I spent hours practicing over and over the twirling thing...with the 45 rpm 'Tina the Ballerina." My biggest problem everyday was did I want to or not want to go down to the creek again behind Gramma and Grandpa's Martins house. I loved to splash in the water "bare feeted" and catch water spiders. Always with a watchful eye for the black water moccasins. "Would I see a snake today? Would I see it quick enough and avoid the teeth." Thankfully, I was never bitten.
Today the little girl is only in my heart. However, I feel childish again when we see the light in our Seinnalee's eyes. Also, when I spend time with the Lord, He comes and loves me. We dance and twirl.
I suppose that is why I am willing to give so much to others. My life has not been without guidance and instructions of balance. I still have a series of letters with the "70's" overseas red, white and blue envelopes. When I was in college my father went to Israel. He wrote to me as he was traveling. He admonished me to over and over... "always reach for the balance in life."
He saw my spirit, noticed my heart and wanted to protect me. (My father is a pastor, also.) He has never hesitated to share what he has learned in life. (Yes, to the point of ad naseum.)
However, when I think of living without my fathers love, care and endless lectures I do not think I would have had the courage to live as the adult I have needed to be a Pastor's wife. My husband is like my father in this way, he calls me to balance. He reminds me I will not always be appreciated for what I give. As I am appreciated, it most likely will not be to the extent I give out of my heart.
It comes to my heart that the ministering of the Lord and his presence is my healer. As the old song was written, "When I think of the Goodness of Jesus and all He has done for me. .. my heart cries out "Hallelujah. Praise God for saving me."
I recently had my 55th birthday. There is something about celebrating in these digits and losing a sister that is younger than you that makes a person face the fact life does not continue forever.
Looking at everyday in that perspective makes me want to love again. I know, by now, I will not always be loved, always understood or always appreciated. People are not always loyal. As I remember a phrase from my Southern Ohio slang.."never ye mind", I am once again thrilled.
Loving is my stance.
When my body is to old to twirl ..my heart will always twirl.. and dance the music of the redeemed.
Dance Lana Dance. ( Lana is my sister Judys' only granddaughter! Lana was the flower girl in Lisa's wedding on my 55th Birthday.)
